SpongeBob was Never My Kids' Teacher

A new study finds that four year old children who watched only nine minutes of "SpongeBob Squarepants" on TV did measurably worse on mental function tests than kids who watched a slower paced show or watched no TV at all.  The study's author says the results suggest that frenetic kids programming could be detrimental to learning.

I read the above story on the wire this morning with some amusement.  Who is suggesting that SpongeBob is at all educational?  Entertaining?  Yes.  Educational?  Hardly ever.

SpongeBob is simply the latest in a long line of dopey children's programming dating back several decades, from the Flintstones to the Smurfs to the Bugs Bunny/Road Runner Show ("Overture, light the lights/This is it, the night of nights.")    At least Bugs Bunny taught people of my generation opera (remember "Kill the wabbit, kill the wabbit") and that the primary ingredient of hassenpheffer is rabbit.

The study focused on 60 four year olds who were assigned to watch SpongeBob, the slower paced PBS show "Calliou," or to draw pictures.  Sixty subjects is a low number for a study, but the researchers said the results suggest that media exposure could hinder a child's development.

University of Virginia psychology professor Angeline Lillard was the lead author of the research.  She says SpongeBob or any other fast-paced kids show can have the effect.  It's not just how much they watch, but what they watch, she says.

SpongeBob is ridiculous, to be sure.  The stories and musical numbers are generally silly.  I do enjoy the voices; I can imitate all of the male voices except the main character...his is too high and out of my range.  My main concern is that SpongeBob has embraced gross-out humor lately.

My older daughter started watching SpongeBob at age seven, when the show debuted a decade ago.  The plot lines included SpongeBob and friends blowing bubbles, playing practical jokes, catching jellyfish and learning to drive.  Pretty benign stuff.

Now some scenes from newer episodes.  Patrick dives into a trash dumpster and eats some of the contents.  A ghostly pirate tries to freak out SpongeBob with scare tactics right out of an Indiana Jones movie.  SpongeBob's infected thumb grows to enormous size and then belches green slime all over another character.

I doubt I would be able to ban SpongeBob in my house without a rebellion.  You can't put the genie back in the bottle, so to speak.  Besides, I grew up on the equally mind-numbing Bugs Bunny and Gilligan.  But if I were to ban SpongeBob, it would be over the show's content, not it's lack of educational value.